still hard

This week is continueing to be rough. Last nite was aweful. JJ came up here and we spent alittle time together and then was leaving him to hang out with his friend Timmy. We were all sitting there and JJ was becoming more upset and more stress as the night was going on. Being in Flagstaff is so difficult for him. He sees the mountain and he thinks of the woods and then he thinks of jr. So with in an hour to hour and 1/2 JJ is getting worse. We got into an argument and I left. He appologized and has appologized many times over for treating me badly. We have talked several times today and I am suppose to go to Phoenix tomorrow. I hope we can get pass this. I am thinking that when we get back from Cal at Thanksgiving I am going to tell him that we need a break. I will be working the next 2 weekends after that so that will give us a 3 week break. But I think that we need a break from each other and I want him to think about what he really wants. I dont know at times I feel like maybe he needs to be on his own with out being committed to me. So he can just do what he wants. And maybe that would be a good thing for me. I am going to see how the next couple of weeks go and if I feel that this is the case then I will tell him we need a break and time for each of us to think about what we really want and if being together is it or not. I already know what he will say is that I am being silly and that of course he wants to be with me. But you know sometimes when you are in the middle of such a horific thing that you dont know what you want and that maybe having breathing room to be on your own is a good thing. So time will tell.
I will be heart broken if we go our separate ways but you know what I am not a desperate person and have to be with someone. I defiately dont want someone who doesnt want to be with me. I know this all sounds crazy but I have to think about my future and where do I want it to be, with him or by myself to explore life more. Dont know but time will tell.