Almost over!

It's almost over. I have 1 more day and I am off for 3 days. Nice. I hit a wall this afternoon. I was so tired. I got off work and went by Dido's and then just came straight home. I poured 2 cosmo's. It felt so good to get home at a descent time. The last 2 nites I have gotten home late. So be home and its day lite is so awesome. I was thinking how much I love sitting in my livingroom/great room. Its truely now comeplete. Its so relaxing. I got to just sit and look at the mountains and the crazy weather. Sun is out right now though so it helps.

We have gotten so much snow since Dec and it hasn't dissapeared. Its been so cold that it isnt melting. Funny one! I got home last night and forgot to close the garage door. I realized this am when I walked out and saw what I had done. I 1st said Oh Shit, thank god I live where I am at for one thing and then as I walked to the back of my Xterra realized that from the blowing wind it snowdrifted into the garage. I cracked up laughing and I didnt have a shovel so I used my hoe to hoe out the snow in the garage. All I could do was to laugh because it was a funny picture to see. Worked great actually. Crazy Crazy!

I did get off a little over an hour early yesterday and got to meet W/ JJ and go to the movies to see Meet the Spartans after that movie 300. There was some funny shit. It was so awesome to get to have time together. We went to our favorite for wings, beer, and a couple of trivia games. It was so nice. We then moved on to home depot and I looked at dishwashers. Nothing special. But I did find 2 white ceiling fans for the guess bedrooms. They were on Sale for $59.00. They are hampton bay. So I then I went on to Sears and Best Buy. I found my dish washer at Best Buy. $289.00. $40.00 for delivery and hauling the other one away. Worth it. Its a maytag. A nice model and its white and goes w/ my other appliances. Got to cross these things off of my list of what has to be done. Feels good. So I get to enjoy. Ellie's hubby, electric D, is coming over to uninstall it and I am going to watch so that JJ and I can install it ourselves. They are delivering on Sat. I am excited about all this. It feels so good to work towards my future.

So tonight for JJ and I is to go our own places and do whatever so tomorrow nite he will come and stay w/ me. Woohoo. I love that I have this time right now to myself and then I get to enjoy the pleasures of being w/ someone special. Right now I have a meatloaf thats cooling off and brocoli and corn being steamed and wala there's dinner.
So hope all is well with everyone.

Enjoy your evening!

7th day

This is my 7th day in a row and I am truely tired. One more and I am off for 3. Woohoo! Will post when I have more time. All I can say right now is Day 7!

Sunday Morning!

I know I use this title for Sunday alot but it truely is my favorite morning. I had a good rest of the day. Had lunch W/ Dido. Yummy food, that same place w/ the chicken, vegies, and rice bowl. Dropped off all the books, cd's for the computer, cassette tapes, an old frame that talks about love, etc that use to have a pic of Terry and I in it and I just decided I dont want to keep it. Now I can load this other box in my car to drop off this week some time, then next will the 2 fake ficu trees. No more dust collectors. I came home, did dishes, vacumned, watched hgtv and went to bed by 8 so I could read some Harry Potter and then crash. I did wake up at 4 but went right back to sleep until 6:30. I feel really good.
Didnt have to go in at 10am so I made coffee, put in the dvd of Bruce Springsteen and worked on the baby blanket. Its coming out beautifully. Just got done w/ a shower and did a mask on my face. Oh my face feels so good. Its a rainy day today so it just feels good to stay home and enjoy it.
Work is going to call me at noon to tell me if I need to come in or not. I will go in sometime to town so I can see JJ and maybe we can cook hotdogs on the grill for dinner. I am only on til 6pm. So no biggie. After this weekend I do not have a weekend call til March 1st. Nice. I dont know if I will pick up any extra call, maybe a day during the week.
Oh I am going to have to break down this week and get a new dishwasher because its leaking. I cant get it out. So I will go to several places this week and get it arranged for Friday my day off and let them take this other one out of here. I can then cross that off of my list of things to do.
I guess its time for breakfast. I am getting really hungry. I dont know if I want breakfast food or something else. Macroni and cheese is sounding good.
Well hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

Nightmare

I had such an aweful nightmare that woke me up just balling and so upset. It was like a mixture of now and before. I was in a different house w/ a pool, I think present, and somehow I was sleeping and got woke up and there was a party of all kinds of teenagers in my back yard, and thru this whole thing Terry and Brad are in it. Past. And then somehow people I work w/ are at the party telling me they didnt know I was having such a big party and I said I didnt either, I was sleeping. Terry and Brad are looking at things that are wrong w/ the house and Terry is getting pissed over it, past. I am making everyone leave and calling the cops on the kids and discover all kinds of iv drugs and pot. Some chick comes to my house talking to me about not calling the cops. I said to bad, get out of here. But whats wierd is JJ comes into the house and says he was with Troy aikman because his wife was mad at him and so he follow him home and came back. Well all of sudden I cant keep the kids out of my house and I am asking for JJ's help and I wake up before he comes back into the room. I woke up balling. It was so vivid. Crazy. I called JJ and he says L its just a dream, you are okay. I said I know I just couldnt stop crying. I finally did, went back to sleep and woke up for work this am just really tired.

Work has actually been nice. Cant complain. I am on til 4 but dont think I will have to stay til then unless we get slammed. JJ is in Phoenix to get the girls. Wish I was with them. I asked if the girls are excited, he said Shenana isnt probably because she is going to want to talk to her boyfriend all day and wont be able to but Sammy is. I miss them so much. I am so looking forward to seeing them in 2 weeks for the weekend. We will have fun. Go see the new Johnny Depp movie.

Got off early yesterday, went to this place called the flame broiler. They make rice bowls w/ a choice of chicken, beef, and vegi's. Very healthy actually and so filling. It was so delisc. It wasnt a chinese resturant either. they only have 10 things on the menu that you can get a bowl or plate. I will have to go back there again sometime. JJ's job cancelled and so we met and went to the movies to see bucketlist. Both funny and sad. Very heavy at times. I cried. Done well. Alittle slow in the beginning. But what it does is make you think about life and how short it is and how you need to do what you really want to in this life. JJ and I hung out alittle while longer and then I went onto Jazz for just the aerobic part. He went out w/ the guys last nite and I came home. He stayed over there since he was drinking and didnt want to drive. So thats a good thing. I am so glad he has some male friends that he hangs with. Except I still have my insecurities which is so stupid. He is not Terry. Far from. I guess after over 26 years of the bullshit it just takes time to resolve this issue. And its so funny he went out with them because I told him I was going to stay home w/ the dogs last nite, otherwise we would have just hung out.

Today I am finally going to take the stuff in my car to Savers to get rid of after work. Decided on whats for dinner and then go home for the evening. Just enjoy being home and watch movies. I still need to vacumn and do some more dishes. No biggie.
I get to sleep in tomorrow. I dont have to be here til 10. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope all are having a wonderful weekend!

Survived my Monday

Survived my Monday today. It was so busy. One patient right after the other w/ hardly any break in between. Job security. I left very tired. I was hurting so bad last night and today, my shoulders and my left arm. Just tight tight muscles. I decided not to work out today. I went downtown to this new place and got a 50min massage for $39.95. She helped alot. But then she found some spots on my butt, oh my god, did I take in deep breaths to breathe thru it. Whew. So I have been drinking alot of water. Came home ate my dinner early and took ibuprofen. Prior to going I went by JJ's because he bought me something. It was a blu ray dvd of Bruce Springfield in a concert in Ireland. He wanted to add to my collection. The thing about him is when he gives me gifts its about thoughtfulness. He really thinks about it to know if I will like it or not.
Last nite was a nice night. JJ got there and we enjoyed our dinner together, watched some basketball and some other show and just held hands watching tv. Went to bed and just talked about our future and what we are about to do. It just feels so right. I just cant explain the peace I feel from all this and the excitement. Another nurse at work told me about another hospital she liked in Scottsdale.
I have to work this weekend and so JJ is going down to see the girls and stay over nite on Sat nite. He wishes I was going w/ him but in 2 weeks we are going to look at going down there on a Friday to Sunday. Go look around some, where the hospitals are and some of the subdivisions. JJ knows the areas from living down there and he knows where we dont want to live due to it being ghetto. So that is a good thing. Plus he poured concrete for alot of the houses down there.
Talk to Jenny and she is putting her house on the market next month and looking at a house to buy already. She lived there for 5 years so she knows also where she wants to live. She is moving quicker but she has her son to think about and he misses his dad. I dont have to move so quick. I know though its about timing.
Well off to do one or 2 things and go to bed early so I can read. Happy Friday to all even though its not my Friday!

American Icon

I worked at a american icon, Woolworth Lunch counter. So if you ever go to the smithsonian in Washington DC and see a woolworth lunch counter you can think of me. It was my 1st job at the age of 16 to 17. I was a waitress. Later worked the register and then moved outside and sold italian ices and costume jewelry. I remember the day I was working when Elvis was found dead. I was doing the last job at the time. From there I went to Nathan's hotdogs and then the Navy. That brought back memories today.

I did have a good workout this morning and dropped off all kinds of stuff at Savers. Man that felt good. I also got my kitchen cleaned up. I then went thru my bookshelves in the livingroom and computer room and man did I clear out some books big time. I look at the shelves now and its not overrunning. Threw away old magazines too. I did come across some of Terry's stuff that he left behind and in the trash it went. I also threw away, for the 1st time, pics of him from his 50th birthday. I have to buy a new flat tool to fix the holes in the walls. So that didnt get done.
To answer Biker's questions, no on meeting the new Mrs. Schwab or seeing him. I saw him that one Sat after I found out he was getting married but otherwise nope. And you know what, find w/ me I did see her standing on the corner w/ him. Barely. Diane saw her that one time in the resturant and called her a ho. Dark roots w/ blond hair and circles under her eyes.
I talk to Jenny and she is looking at moving to the same area of Phoenix we are. In fact she has an interview w/ a hospital down there. So funny how our lives are so parallel. At lease I know going there I have several friends down there already which is kool since I had none when I moved here.
JJ is coming over when he gets back in town. Looking forward to seeing him and hanging out w/ him. I am going to make ham steak and mash potatoes w/ Brocolli.
Yummmmmmmy.
Need to change my sheets. Off to vacumn and then start dinner. Hope all are well!

hump day

Today is hump day and I am off. Thank god, I am off today because there are so many kids and ect's on the schedule. Woohoo I get to miss it. I worked preop yesterday so I missed the kiddo's again. I go back tomorrow on 9 day stretch. I slept all night but woke up just feeling tired. I already got my trash out and talked to my mom. JJ is at Monument Valley today. Its suppose to be an easy job for him so we will see. Its on the Res and they are on Res time, which is different then any where else.
My plan today is to pack up as much stuff as I can to drop off at Savers after I work out. Going to get my work out done early in the day so I do it. 2nd work out day this week. When I get home, I am going to clean up my kitchen, vacumn, and clean the toilets. Also start fixing the 2 holes in the walls. See whats up at that point and start going thru more stuff to get rid of. I was talking to Elly and we both decided this will defiately be a clean slate for me. I dont want to take any memories of Terry w/ me, of course, I still have all my pics which are in a container already, but nothing else that will remind me of him. She said now I am depressed because this is becoming more real. I said yup. I will be very sad when I leave because I love this place but in the long run its for the better. I know down there my chances of running into Terry are slim to none.
I did find more houses for $1100.00 to 1400.00/month that have pools, good size, newer houses. It will be very doable. How exciting this will be. Scary but so exciting to be somewhere new.
Did you guys see the moon last nite. JJ called me on his way home last nite to look at the moon. It was just above the valley out here and it was full and bright yellowish/orange. It just lit up the whole area. It was so kool that we were both looking at it together on the phone.
Life is good! Good day to be alive and happy.

My future

Glad the day is over. Came home and relaxed. Didnt get to go to the movies due to JJ's job running behind. He might come here tonight, not sure. If he does I would love it, if not then thats okay to. I can handle being by myself tonight.
I was watching Oprah and they had Susie Orman on and she was helping this family looking at the "myfico" Score. I decided to look at mine to see where I am at. Mine was 707. 800 is the highest. I am happy w/ this. I am hoping to bring this up. I just have to be perfect about no late payments of any kind. I have 3 total in my life. I guess not to bad considering but I dont want anymore.
I did sit w/ my charge nurse at lunch today and we discussed about my moving next year. She totally understood why I am doing what I am doing. She told me that her and my boss gave JJ the boyfriend award of the year. They said he is such a trooper going w/ me to everything and they can just tell when they are around us how much he cares for me. They can see it. That made me feel good. I know alot can happen between now and then but the way I look at it I am a planner and I need to take this time to plan things out to make this move a success.
This will be my 1st move in my life w/ out Terry. That is mind blowing to me. But I truely feel ready. She even said its exciting to think about living somewhere new. I am excited about moving into a different house. I am excited about starting over. To truely walk away from the memories here and start new ones. Different floor model, landscape, etc. I could rent a nice house for about $1400 to $1500 and actually less depending on what area of Phoenix I look at. I am asking opinions of people at work who lived down there and ask where they would live. Recomendations on hospitals, etc. I am leaning either towards to the West side which is glendale and peoria or Scottsdale, Mesa area which is northeast. The girls live in peoria. The whole area is getting built up and has alot to offer. I looked and some people are willing to sign 6 months lease which would be perfect since I do want to eventually own my own home again. Dont want to give up that tax deduction to long. Kinda like it. But that would be enough time after I get a job to decide what neighborhood I want to live in. There are some really nice houses going for $200,000 or so. That is totally doable. I am going for a goal of putting my house on the market in June. Once the spring is over and people are looking at moving due to kids and getting settled before school starts. So I have a year and 1/2 to get things done and ready. I can do it. It will be a new adventure and you know me I am about new adventures. For some people they couldnt see themselves taking chances but I am one to do that. There are also so many hospitals down there to choose from. With what I do I have such great options of jobs. That is why I always tell nursing students that they will never be sorry they became a nurse, you can always take care of yourself. One of the best things I did.
So now I will concentrate on getting my house in order. Then next year start putting the word out there to the hospitals of my choosing, and then go from there. I do know this that eventually I will end up by the water and most likely thinking about Florida. I do love Florida and the ocean or maybe North Carolina. Time will tell!
Well off to feed the babies!

I am good!

I am so good. I had to get a lady ready who needed so much stuff done and I got it done and done early. Got both iv's in, no problem. Life is good.
Did good on my real 1st day of the best life diet. The hardest thing was not eating 2 hours prior to bedtime. I caught myself so many times going to the kitchen. Had a good workout yesterday.
Going to try to go to the movies today to either see the bucketlist or 1st Sunday I think its called. Go on a date.
Oh I am excited someone took my call that Sat after the concert so now our plans can proceed to the concert and staying downtown for the night. Its funny, no one who lives here has ever done that.
Possibly going to get snow from tomorrow til Sunday. We shall see.
Well off to finish my yogart and go back to work!

Wedding

The wedding was awesome. We had such a great time. The wedding itself was beautiful. Groom handsome, the bride Beautiful. The gown that e. wore was absolutely gorgeous. I couldnt believe that she found this gown, no alterations needed, off the rack, originally $1500.00/ marked down to $99.00. It was the 1st gown she tried on and it was the gown. the sequins sparkled when the sun hit it thru the window. They are so in love. They are both in their later 30's and neither have ever been married. He is a hotshot. He goes thru out the US and puts out fires. I am so happy for them both. Their marriage will last. No doubt.
The reception was at the Weatherford Hotel on the 3rd floor and it was hor duers (sorry about the spelling) and they were yummy and it was open bar on all kinds of beers and one kind of wine. They had their own music playing and it was okay but w/ all the people there and the alcohol flowing no one cared. Every one looked beautiful all dressed up. Fun for all.
Got back to JJ's place and I put on a cute nitie and enjoyed some intimatcy.

We did decide that when we go to see George Thorougood and if I can get rid of my call that Sat then we will get a room downtown and stay at that hotel. That would be so fun! Make a whole night of it!
We got up today and got frames and went to buffalo wild wings for the 1st game. Stayed til 1/2 time. and then went back to his place and put the pics up. There are pics of us and the kids, him and the girls, and pics of us. Made me feel good to see those pics mixed in. We talked more about our future and where we might move to next year and I really think Phoenix is winning out. It just feels right. I was talking to my mom and she agreed that we do have a good time down there and I could put up w/ the heat. Sammy more then shenana needs her dad close by. She is such a daddy's girl. He also stated that we need to live near by where I work since I have to drive to work everyday and it wont matter much on his job. I also decided that the house will have no carpet, just tiles. Too hot for carpet in the summer. Anything to keep the house cool. I am excited about our future. I just know that my house will sell because its meant to be.
Well no more alcohol. Dido agreed she would help me and we are going to up our exercise. She did asked what I would do for the super bowl and she said drink Michelob Ultra super Cold. I thought good compromise.
Anyway hope all had a good weekend!

Another touching moment!

I went to the retirement party for the ortho doc. Alot of people got up there and told their stories. Laughed alot. The one thing I will miss about him is he was always good at instructions to the patient. No other doc does that. I was always impressed with him for that. But what I didnt know was that he would call Dido my name. I didnt realize he knew my name. I told him that tonight and he came back a huge compliment. He told me that he was really bad w/ names for one thing but that when I took care of his patients that he never worried. There were never any flubs, mess ups. He asked me if I made mistakes, I told him of course I do. But I was truely touched by his compliment. Made my night to know I did a good job for him.

I was so glad it was friday today just like biker was so happy. Work was so busy this am. by 9:30 we had 10 patients in recovery. Thats alot. But we got thru them. Got to go to the new hire luncheon. I volunteered to be a resource for a new hire. It was good lunch. And then they gave us a bag of all kinds of goodies. Didnt expect that.
It was a -7 degrees at 5:50am. I was in shock. Too fricken cold. But it did warm up.
I got off alittle early and went to the mall to look for a different top to go w/ my pants for the wedding tomorrow. They opened up a Torid clothing store. Young hip clothes. I found this top, 50% off. Its strapless and its a really light light light lilac w/ lace around the waist w/ a ribbon tied. It fit so well and looks so good. I got it. It makes me feel sexy to wear it. I got home, tried it on w/ my pants and my velvet jacket and wow, nice, very nice. I cant wait to get dressed up tomorrow. I told JJ that they opened up the store and he said they have kool clothes in there. I was in shock he knew that. The are made for woman who are size 14 and up. I dont know if they have them in Texas or not. I wouldnt wear some of the stuff but they have some kool stuff.
I am getting up and working out in the morning. I read your comment biker and I under stand where you are coming from but for me I need to read common sense stuff to get me back on track. I have the hardest time w/ losing weight and thanks to inheriting those lovely genes from my mom's side of the family its good to read common sense stuff and reasons why. I know its a slow steady thing and thats what great he talks about that but also how to stick w/ it when its easy to fall off into I dont want to do it anymore. To under stand why at 1st when you start working out how hard it is to stick w/ it and how tired you are for the 1st several weeks but then how it turns around and you have more energy. I am waiting for the more energy part personally. I did have more energy again though taking my vitamin. I cant believe how a vitamin can make such a difference. Amazing!
The loan officer from the mortgage company called to check and see if I am including my second loan and I told her no. She has to send a letter to the bank to make sure they are okay w/ being the second loan, wierd, because they are already the second loan but as soon as they get the letter back from them, then we can close on the loan. Yeah!!!! I am so excited about getting such a low interest rate and saving $200.00/month.
Well about to wine down and get ready for bed. Ready for the fun fun of tomorrow. I am going after I work out and help JJ pick out something for the wedding and iron it for him. He doesnt iron and I dont mind doing that. And then come home, get a few things done, and get ready for the wedding, but most of all the reception.
Hope all have a good weekend!

Good day!

I had a good day today. I thought I was going to wake up really tired because I had a wierd time right before I fell asleep. I was laying in bed and trying to fall asleep and my back was inflamed and I just became really sad. This was the 2 year mark of my being apart from Terry. I started feeling sorry for myself for no reason mind you. JJ called to say good nite and after that I relaxed and fell asleep w/ only 6 hours or so to sleep. But anyway I got up and didnt feel to bad. I also made sure I took my vitamins. I take Calcium w/ mag and vit d at night to rest and the main one during the day. I couldnt believe what a difference it made. I accomplished getting my ect charts done, all 9 of them. Took 3 1/2 hours to do it. But I could feel better knowing I was all caught up until tomorrow when 2 of the patients come for their ect. Work was slow. I got to spend time w/ JJ for alittle while. Aunt Flow is in town so no intimate time together. But just visiting. I did go work out today and that felt good. Came home and ate turkey and corn w/ a small glass of wine. After this weekend I will be committed to no alcohol. I also made my cut off time tonight the 2 hours before I go to bed. I did pass up curly fries today. Ate better. So all in all it was a good day!

Last nite JJ invited me to to meet at Bunn Huggers for a couple beers and a burger. I passed on the fries again last night. Got to meet one of his friends from work. He was very nice. Once his friend left we talked about the future, his kiddos, and us. We talked about where we want to move to and I think we are really leaning towards Phoenix. I know its hot as hell for a few months but if I lived there, I need a good air conditioning and a pool. He is suffering thru the aweful cold to be near me so I can sacrified for him. Absolutely. This way we could be near his girls which I know he wants and I do to. We love to go do things down there. And there is always alot to do from concerts, sports, good resturants, shopping, being near the airport to travel instead of driving 2 to 21/2 hours. I know we have another year or so, and things could change but you know I am a planner and it gives me something to look forward to. I would love California but I cant afford to live there. And eventually when Sammy gets older we could then live where ever we want. Dont have to think about a certain part of the United States. We are in this together for the long run. So thats another awesome thing.

Well he talked to the girls mom and he is going to stay here this weekend and go see them next weekend when I am working. So he will be going w/ me to the wedding and reception. It should be so much fun. I cant wait to get dressed up. I am wearing my same outfit from Christmas. Its so pretty and it makes me feel beautiful.

One of the girls at work invited me to her yoga studio on Sunday afternoon for 4pm free of charge to do a yoga class. Smart on her part, drums up business. Her husband and her own a rock climbing gym and now this place. This class will be easy and done by a physical therapist. I think good stretching is what I need to become more flexible. It might help my back and left shoulder. I decide this is my year to accomplish my goal of feeling better, being healthier, and looking better. I am really enjoying that book I bought on the best of life diet. It really is good reading and great reasoning for what he recommends. I recommended it highly. If any of you get it, let me know what you think.
Well its time to start winding down and get ready for bed here shortly and read. I want to have this book read up to the point that I need for phase I of this life style change.

1) Get moving!
2) cut off eating 2 hours before bedtime.
3) drink 6 8oz glassed of water, more if you are sweating more. Working on this one!
4) Take a good multivitamin
5) dont worry about what you eat the 1st 4 weeks - Like this!
6) weigh and put the scale away til the 4 weeks past
7) No alcohol for the 1st phase - hard one!

So thats basically the beginning! If you should accept this challenge, Good luck!

dropping interest rates

The interest rates have dropped. I called my mortgage company about possibly refinancing. She looked at everything and if all goes well I could refinance from 6.8 to 5.5 to 5.7%. That would drop my payment down $200.00 and that would be huge. I will know in the next month. So lets keep our fingers cross.
I went back and read my last blog and the thing about giving up alcohol on the best life diet is at lease for the 1st 4 weeks. So I had to clarify. I do like alcohol.
My hair came out great. The color came out really pretty and so did the cut.
I did go thru my closet in the computer room and took out and old printer and an old game on the computer that Terry should to play. In the donation pile it goes. Taking up space.
Well back to work. I still dont feel 100%. My tongue is still bothering me. I havent been able to eat but soft foods and liquids. It hurts the tip of my tongue.
I am also going snowshoeing w/ Elly today. That should be fun.
Hope all is well with all of you.

Feel much better

Man I felt like I got hit w/ a truck Sunday nite. My stomach started hurting and I didnt sleep well and by Monday morning when I had to get up I felt so bad. JJ went and got dog food for me since I couldnt get out and he took one look at me and couldnt believe how bad I looked. I rested all day but was on call all nite. Woke up at 2am, toss and turned, and finally by 3am decided enough is enough and just got up. So I got up and started working on piles of things. I went thru a box that was in my pantry for over 7 years and never went thru it all this time. Crazy. I went thru all this stuff for the kitchen and put in the box what was being donated and put away the other stuff. That is going to Savers today.
I also went thru these vcr tapes that have been sitting on the floor in the front room. Kept a few of my all time favorites but most are in a bag to say bye bye.
I am also getting rid of a couple of tupperware containers like cake holders, etc. Dont make cakes anymore and I figure someone else can have it.
I bought that Best Life Diet book by Bob Greene. Its about gradual changes to change your life style. To commit you need to totally give up alcohol and I still have the retirement party on Friday and the wedding on Sat. So when that is done I can commit to 4 weeks of no alcohol. It also goes into the emotional side of things of why you over eat. Whats going on w/ you. It explains physiology of what you are doing.
I get my hair done today. It always makes me feel better.
JJ has been watching the history channel alot and so he was telling me all about grocery stores. Their little secrets of getting you to buy and stay in the store longer. Between the lighting, where the produce is, and there is always a bakery to make it smell good and soft music so you want to stay longer. And what the future is bringing in the grocery business.
Speaking of, jr is still not back in school. mom couldnt get him registered because she needed his birth certificate, transcripts, etc. JJ was off yesterday and went to the school here they have never been contacted for his transcripts or shot records. JJ called the school in Cali and they new nothing. So instead of waiting for her to call him back for a fax number, he got it himself and faxed everything to the school. He was babysitting his 4 year old brother while his mom was in school. Nice.
Maybe this kid should just get his Ged and be done w/ school.
Oh exciting news, We are going to go see Willie Nelson on Feb 16th. He is perfoming at the thearter on the NAU campus. That will be 2 years that we will be together. That will be my gift to him and he will be in charge of dinner for us. Next week he will get us tickets to see George Thorogood. I dont think I spelled his name right but oh well. He will be here on 2/29. Both concerts are on the weekend which is so cool. And these will be small places to see them. Nice.
Lots of good stuff coming my way. Life is good!

had fun

Had a great time last nite. It was just girls from work. We started out at this resturant Curve'. FooFoo food but delisc. I got a brisket sandwich for lunch today. The sauce that came w/ it was fabulous. So I ordered it for lunch today. Started w/ Reesling white wine. Then from there we went on to the weatherford hotel and went on to Margatinii's. Mix of margarita and a martini. Yummmmmy. Drank several. We hung out til the band started and move down stairs to where the band is. There are 3 floors to this place to party. Bar upstairs and downstairs. They usually have the band downstairs. There is a resturant also and then the rooms are mixed in. People usually go there to eat and drink. Regardless its a fun place. It was builted in the late 1800's right around the time Flagstaff was being built. Dirt streets and all. We then started dancing. They were playing some good music to dance to. Then everybody wanted to move to this other brewery, band playing and they sucked. Didnt stay long. Stayed at JJ's. Got me some and then crashed. He had to get up at 2am for work. In fact I am about to jump in the shower and go to work. Working 10am to 6pm. Not bad. time and 1/2 money. But who knows what time the rest of the girls stayed out. I felt crappy at 5:30 this morning. Took ibuprofen and juice. Got up at 8 and made a egg sandwich and coffee. So I feel good now. Well hope all are well.

Slept like a rock

I went to bed last nite, took calcium w/ mag and an ambien and crashed hard. Didnt set my alarm but woke up at 4:30. I still feel tired and I am sore also. I am going to drop off some of my donation stuff and go home. Its the only day I will get home early until Friday. I want to get some stuff done today.
Oh my gift from divo was a bag of coffee w/ a bottle of irish cream, cant wait to use it on Sunday!
Well off to preop!

Good Karma!

What a great week and a little sad but all okay! Since Tuesday after I got to work, This female physician who assists the neuro surgeon here gave me a thank you card for taking care of her mom before and after surgery. In the card was a gift card for $50.00 to this new place downtown off Heritage square. I was in total shock. That was so nice. Then Devo and Jimbo from work, that I went to their house to feed the dogs for them while they went to Phoenix for a heart cath and stent for her, have a gift for me. I was so blown away by my day, it was amazing. Good Karma! I really do have it. You know I dont ever go looking for anything when I do stuff for people, it does happen for me!

Okay I had some revelations on several things.
Today at my monthly inservice/staff meetings, a nurse from Risk Management came and talk to us about what they do and things they can help us with. It made me have a light bulb moment. I could eventually do that. I really could. I could put my forensic classes to work. I could still do patient care but in a totally different way. This would be after I get a job in PACU my next place of employment. Decide if thats the hospital I would want to really commit to move on to that department. So that would fit in nicely to my future.

2) Ellen brought up a great point while we were snow shoeing today. I discussed my cleaning out the closet and what I came upon. I discussed this frame and the cut out of Belize and what I am going to do about it. Keep or give away. She brought up the fact that it would remind of that time in my life and that year, and do I want to look at it to just remind of that time. So I am going to give it away. I thought about you Biker Candy since you two went w/ us but then I thought I would see it at your house and would be reminded so I decided to give it to this girl who just went to Belize so she could use it for her pics. She could think of me when she looks at it and it would be a happy thing. So that was my other revelation of moving on.

3) I am totally at peace w/ JJ posibly moving to get out of the cold. Oh he told me he is thinking about leaving because the cold is so painful for him. We had a good talk about it and you know he moved here to be w/ me, stayed here to be w/ me. That says so much about how he feels about me. I told him that if he needs to move, then I am totally okay w/ this. I will be sad but we will be okay. We will work around it. And if its California then I can go visit him there and see stuff, go to the beach. Decide if thats where I want to move to next. Time will tell what all comes out of this whole situation but I am totally at peace. I will truely be ready to move from here. I will finish getting my house done this year. Get to really enjoy it and put it on the market next year! That will be my sacrifice for him.

4) Did Jazz yesterday and Snowshoeing today. What have you guys been doing, not BikerCandy, she is having a rough week! I am committed to making changes. Snowshoeing was so great because it was great to get out in the snow. The view of the mountain was awesome. It was good having girlfriend time. After I drove home, sitting for a few then getting out to walk, wow, my hips were sore! I said yes, its working. Going to Jazz tomorrow.

The next week are some great plans. Friday is a bacholor party for this girl at work getting married next weekend. It will be downtown. Dido and I are going. I am staying at JJ's that night, I am suppose to work Sat at 10am. I can sleep over his place and if they dont need me right away I can go workout and then go in. Dont have to drive home. Next door will feed the pups. Sunday is the Dallas Game. Next weekend one of the docs are retiring from his practice and we were all invited for drinks and hor va dovas, as JJ calls them. Its at the country club area, Not real fancy but it will be top notch. I could bring a guess. Sat is the wedding. Getting my hair done this week. Busy but oh so fun!
I came home tonight and poured a glass of wine and talk to Stella for a few and I am doing great! Had a good dinner, healthy. Filling. And now off to bed! Goodnite! Hope all are having a better day tomorrow!

Let it Snow Let it Snow!

Okay so I know its the same title but it has not stopped. I dont think I have ever seen it snow like this. It is just snowing non stop and its suppose to cont til this afternoon and into the night. I love it. Its coming down really hard right now. And the neighbors have a moving truck in front of their house to move. Bad day to move stuff. Worse day yet for sure. We are expecting 1 to 2 inches/ hour. So on the mountain they could have several feet and in town a foot to 2 feet. The plows have been working hard out here. Dido said they havent plowed her street yet. She is in the middle of town. Crazy.
So needless to say the plows woke me up several times during the night. Tired today. Well heading into town to help Jason out since I have the 4 wheel drive and his truck sucks. Will keep you updated on hows it going here.

Let it Snow Let it Snow!

Oh my god, it snowed w/ a vengence. We got some of the weather that hit Cal. It is so white everywhere. Its just beautiful. In the morning I am going to work out and then meet up w/ JJ to go sledding and build a snowman. He has made a snowman. I couldnt believe it. It should be fun.
I started working on the guess bedroom by cleaning out the closet. I love that I am getting rid of so much stuff and throwing away crap. I had stuff to make soap. Donating. I do still have my scrapebooking stuff and its in a nice neat pile on the shelve. I found old envelopes addressed to Terry and I. Threw that shit away. I want to get in there tomorrow afternoon to work on that room some more. I want it in order so I can move on. Sell the desk in there and get rid of it. Donated old old pictures in frames from home interiors from the 80's and mirror. It really feels good to do this. I did come across a pic of BikerCandy, HotRod, myself and Terry from when they came to visit on their motorcycles. I just put w/ other frames to be used at another time. It was a great pic from Williams from one of the bars there that we went to. I also came across this frame and the cut out I had made from Belize. The cut out is the letters of Belize. So I decided to keep it and put pics from that trip but that include Terry. Wierd huh. To think that was our 25th wedding anniversary trip and then we went our separate ways after that. Lot happened that year for sure. Amazing. Oh well.
Its very freeing to get rid of this. I need to start taking the pile I have made up by the front door and start loading some of this stuff in the car to donate it. Get it out of the house. That will feel good also for it to be gone. I need to go thru the front closet to get rid of games and puzzles that I will never play again and donate so someone else can get some pleasure out of it.
One more day off and at lease I get to play in the snow tomorrow. That will be fun. Something for JJ and I to do to forget about the daily stuff.
Well off to bed so I can wake up in the am to start my day. I am excited about that.
Hope all had a wonderful weekend!

Reflections

I have had a day to reflect about my life now and my past. I stayed home and didnt do much but watch tv and just started crying over everything. I just allowed myself to cry until I was done. I thought about the fact that I think I did this because its not that I care that Terry is with someone else but all the crap from the past that he put me thru. And how things are so different now. I reflect on the fact that I am doing well. I have alot to be proud of and thankful for. I have achieved so much. I have always been the stable one. I looked at the pics on my fridge at the places I have been and the friends I have. Things I want to change for sure about me. Change how I look at things by not jumping to conclusions so quick or react. Just take a moment and respond. That is a hard one for me. My job is a very reactive type job. What I do can make a difference. I need to be nicer to even some of the people, mainly a few of the docs I work w/. Its funny some that have been there awhile know not to fuck w/ me. But they trust my judgement big time. I need to be better at my job and pay attention to more details then ever before. I am so glad I have had this time away from patient care. It has been and still is a good break. I will be ready to jump back in. I need to make myself go to bed by 8pm so I can fall asleep by 8:30 if I have to get up at 4:30. Read more at night. All in all it was a good day to just watch the weather outside and relax.
JJ is on his way home. Wont be back in town til 9 or so. So I got up, took a shower, washed a load of clothes and now they are in the dryer. I also cleaned up my kitchen. I am going to be there when he gets there so we can spend the night together and wake up together. I am so looking forward to seeing him. At lease tomorrow when I come home I wont come home to a dirty kitchen. I have almost all the christmas stuff packed up. I just need to take the table cloth off the table and wash it and take the lights down.
I have also after watching Oprah, Friday's episode, I am going to try to go greener. I ordered Shaklee products, the kit that they are giving you a 33% discount thru Oprah's site. It is all organic products w/ no harmful stuff in them. The couple who are the owners got into it because their son developed Asthma. And they got rid of all the cleaning products in their house and switched. Their son has never had asthma again. They last along time. They are very concentrated. I did decide though when it arrives I am gathering up all my products, letting JJ have them for his place. He has no cleaning products hardly so this will help him out. I will let you know how I like them.
So anyway I am doing much better. I feel at peace after this time today. I really needed it big time. So ready to move on.

Its nasty weather

Woke up to nasty wet, cold weather. Didnt get out of my bed til 8:30. I just felt so tired from the last couple of days. None of us went to Jazz this morning. Didnt feel like leaving our houses. So instead I got up and made coffee and started watching tv. All these old movies are on that I love, fried green tomatoes. Love that movie. Need to find it on dvd. My other all time favorite is Michael w/ John Travolta. Next is Urban Cowboy w/ John Travolta.
I looked out the window and you cant even see the mountain because of all the clouds, which should mean snow on the mountain. Today is Terry's wedding day and the rain brought back memories of my wedding day to him. It was raining and windy. Just wierd to think he is marrying someone else. I dont wish bad things to happen but I hope their wedding day is aweful, as I am having an evil laugh. Sorry. I will be glad when this day has pass. JJ is in Showlow working today and probably wont get home til midnight tonight so I dont get to see him again. I am thinking that maybe I will be waiting for him in his bed tonight. When I know he is heading this way I might surprise him. I havent seen him since Wednesday and I am missing him big time. I think he was really disappointed about me not coming to see him last nite. I am glad I didnt drive 2 hours. I was so relaxed after my massage and a couple of beers w/ the girls that I just didnt feel like driving that far.
So here in a few I will take down my christmas stuff and start working in my guess bedroom to clear the floor. It would be a good start to getting that room in order.

Passed!

I did it, I passed. I did well. I was so relieved. I got done by 12:30 so I could go get lunch and hang out at JJ's before my massage. JJ is staying out of town again tonight and wants me to come meet him in Showlow which is a 2 hour drive. A, do I want to drive 2 hours after a massage, no, not really. B, Do I want to drive in the dark in bad weather, which is coming our way, no, not really. I do want to see him but I need some down town after the last couple days of stress. I will see him tomorrow nite. I can wait one more day. I was talking to elly and she said its so stressful due its our job on the line. And I didnt even think about that. It totally is. If I didn't pass I couldnt work til I passed. So there you go its frickin stressful. But as I said I passed and am looking forward to my massage. I am also meeting up w/ Dido after wards for a beer now.
After I get home, I am going to sit and make a list of what I need to accomplish this weekend so I can cross it off as I go and know I did something. I didnt realize but my day off next week is Monday. So I am so excited to know I dont go back to work til Tuesday. This will have been a much needed time away from pt care. I want to feel rested when I go back. I dont want to start out tired. I am also going to work out in the morning so I can have some good energy for the day. I only worked out once this year so far, mine you its only the 4th but my plan is to get more workouts in. I am also going to write it on the calendar so I can see how often I am doing this.
So anyway I hope all have a wonderful weekend. Because I am going to have one!

F- - - - - Mega Code!

I got to class and was relaxed and didnt worry about the class again til this afternoon when we went to different classrooms which they call stations. The big one is a Mega Code. Things have changed so drastically. More CPR which I can live w/ but the megacode was so frickin confusing, no flow what so ever. I am not worried at all about the written test but we have to each take turns being in charge of the code and mind you we can discuss it together. It just became stressful at the end of the day. Thought we were getting out at 4 so I thought cool I would go work out and relieve stress but instead it was 4:30 and I just didnt want to sit around waiting for the 5:30 class. Between all that time and the drive time it would take 2 1/2 hours. So I came home and luckily put chicken in the crock pot and so I could eat dinner, have a class of wine and study. I just have to have faith that all goes well. I really hope I get out of there early tomorrow, lunch time like originally thought so I can make my massage.
I was talking to Ellen about this and this other w/ JJ. She said the same thing as Biker, he is having a hard time w/ the grieving still. I guess so. I have not been thru this so I cant say what I would do, Everyone deals w/ it at their own pace. I hope though by the time we become one again living together he will have dealt w/ it more. I know he puts me 1st in so many ways but this is still hanging around. I guess I need to ask him where he is w/ this so we can be on the same place.

update since I started this post, JJ called me and we were talking and he says I know you very well and I said why do you say that and he said I could tell that you got upset when I told you I wanted to download the cd thats why he asked me if I was mad. I told him I would never get mad over that but I was able to talk to him about how I felt and he told me how he felt. We had a great talk about it and he made me feel very at peace w/ it and understand where he is coming from. I also told him that when we move back in together I could handle him putting one pic of her up but not all of them to remind me. He said he wouldnt do that and for now this is what he needs to do but that when he makes that committment to me that he wouldnt do that to me. He doesnt want me to feel like he hasnt moved on w/ me and that I dont matter. Because I do but this is what he needs to do. This is why I just love being w/ him because we can talk things out and not get mad about it. I can tell him how I feel about things. And at lease when we do make that step to move back in together he will be ready to move on but never forget. I dont want him to forget. He understood why I dreamt about Terry also. He said its something about things being final. I said yup I guess so. I dont want this thing w/ Terry to affect me but it does. And its not because I want him or anything like that, its just a weird feeling that I cant explain. I just need to stay busy this weekend and not think about it or try not to think about it. I will now sleep better tonight after we talked. I will be more relax for tomorrow so I will get thru this tomorrow. I just hope I can get my massage tomorrow because it will help so much.
Well I will let you all know how I do. Thanks for listening to me go on about this. One more step towards moving on. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wierd Dreams

I guess I am stressing over my ACLS more then I thought. Plus last nite JJ tells me he put the cd that Kerri's brother made him for the memorial of Kerri on his ipod. It just all hit me wrong. He asked if I was mad, I am not mad, but I am having wierd feelings about it.
So last nite I go to bed and wake up constantly and have wierd dreams of my divorce from Terry and this time he was with some other chick in this really nice house and he wasnt a biker, he was dressed in nice shirts and pants. Wierd on that. Then I dream that Kerri is around again and I am just some insignificant person and walk away from my relationship from JJ. I guess Terry getting married is effecting me as I am getting closer to his wedding date. As far as JJ, I know how he feels about me but at the same time, He has pics of Kerri all over his livingroom, a pic in his car, his work truck, and now on his ipod. I need to figure out how to deal with this. I dont want him to ever forget about her, thats not it, but I have been w/ him longer then her, and been thru so much more w/ him. I know its got to be hard but are you not suppose to move on and put this in a place that is so dear to you, not have constant reminder of that person around everywhere. Hmmmmmm. What do you guys think? Am I so wrong in how I feel. I guess I am glad that we have our own places so that we can deal w/ some stuff before we get back together as one. Do I talk w/ him about it so I can move on?
I am stressing over my ACLS and need to quit. They dont aim to flunk you, its about learning but its suppose to be a 2 day course and it doesnt say that anywhere on the letter they sent me so I am freaking that I might have to test today. I will truely be glad when this to shall past and I also get over these other feelings.
This is just crazy. I am not even past the 1st week of the year and I am having some issues come up. But maybe that is good, I will deal head on w/ them and move on.

On to more positive stuff, I did manage to get the gift card for my dad and his birthday card mailed off yesterday. So he will have it in time to go out to dinner on Monday. Easy sneezy. I did start to take my christmas stuff down. I will finish this weekend for sure and then attack my guess room and get rid of all the crap on the floor. Either throw away, shred, and put away. Clear out the closet to make room for a dresser that is in my closet right now. This will be a good start to getting rid of clutter. I have watching clean house. Love that show also. These people have the nastiest houses. There is shit everywhere in every spot of their floors. No room to walk even. They only do the LA area. Thank god I am not that bad. I am looking forward to this weekend to get stuff done. I want it to be a productive weekend. I want to feel like I accomplished something. Whats going on w/ all of you?

Happy New Years!

Happy 2008!!!! My New Years eve was alot of fun. We met B and J downtown and had dinner and drinks and then just continued to drink and went to another place downtown and drank more. We were able to walk there and back home. We stayed downtown til midnight and right after the pinecone dropped this asshole was coming thru the crowd pushing people, push JJ in the back and elbowed his friend standing next to him and cursing everyone. So needless to say a fight almost broke out. I was so upset. But the guy walked away and JJ and I walked home. Why do people have to do shit like that. I went straight to bed. I woke up early and was able to go back to sleep. J felt like dog dodo but I was fine. They stayed downtown and hung out. And drove. Stupid on that part. Didnt want to start out the new year w/ DUI, if you know what I mean!
Woke up this morning, had memosas, cooked breakfast, had some new year's sex,and then a few hours later went to our favorite place for wing tuesday and a beer. Went to Hastings and bought my new calendars for the year! Watched Tech win in the last 3 minutes, then had some celebratory sex. Good game. Glad for them and me. Now I am home for the evening. They cancelled dido and myself so we are meeting for Jazz and coffee after. Got to get my dad's birthday gift. A gift card for dinner at red lobster on his birthday Monday! Get it mailed out tomorrow so it will be there in time! My dad will be 68 years old. Amazing to think they are in their later 60's and will be 70 in a few years. The year he turns 70 I turn 50. Wierd to think about.
So my goals this year are:

For me personally, continue to work out and eat healthier. In fact, add more workouts to each week! My goal is to get rid of belly fat. I am fine w/ the rest but want the belly fat gone! I have several trips planned thru out the year. But nothing major like in the last couple of years.

For work: Continue to be more involved in activities. Going to the nat'l conference in Grapevine in May. Work on my education towards my job! Not let things bother me at work.

With my relationship, Enjoy what we have together. Enjoy our time together. Enjoy his kids more!

For my house, Finish painting the last 2 rooms and get the last 3 rooms in order. Landscape the backyard. Rock and bushes. Take down the dividing fence. Then get to enjoy it before I put it on the market next year.

Take all my christmas stuff down tomorrow after I get back home. Clean up my kitchen. So I will enjoy it for one more night. I am also going to clean out the guessroom closet so I can put a dresser in there. Get it out of my closet and get my closet in order this weekend. I am off again this weekend. No call so I will have time to do that. I didnt realize til I was writing on my new calendar my schedule that I am in ACLS. Advance Cardiac Life Support, I guess I better look at the book tomorrow also. No biggie.

All in all life is good. I am defiately at peace w/ everything right now. I am happy! So on that note, I will enjoy my last memosa and relax w/ my pups! Hope all have had a wonderful new years!