Reflections

I have had a day to reflect about my life now and my past. I stayed home and didnt do much but watch tv and just started crying over everything. I just allowed myself to cry until I was done. I thought about the fact that I think I did this because its not that I care that Terry is with someone else but all the crap from the past that he put me thru. And how things are so different now. I reflect on the fact that I am doing well. I have alot to be proud of and thankful for. I have achieved so much. I have always been the stable one. I looked at the pics on my fridge at the places I have been and the friends I have. Things I want to change for sure about me. Change how I look at things by not jumping to conclusions so quick or react. Just take a moment and respond. That is a hard one for me. My job is a very reactive type job. What I do can make a difference. I need to be nicer to even some of the people, mainly a few of the docs I work w/. Its funny some that have been there awhile know not to fuck w/ me. But they trust my judgement big time. I need to be better at my job and pay attention to more details then ever before. I am so glad I have had this time away from patient care. It has been and still is a good break. I will be ready to jump back in. I need to make myself go to bed by 8pm so I can fall asleep by 8:30 if I have to get up at 4:30. Read more at night. All in all it was a good day to just watch the weather outside and relax.
JJ is on his way home. Wont be back in town til 9 or so. So I got up, took a shower, washed a load of clothes and now they are in the dryer. I also cleaned up my kitchen. I am going to be there when he gets there so we can spend the night together and wake up together. I am so looking forward to seeing him. At lease tomorrow when I come home I wont come home to a dirty kitchen. I have almost all the christmas stuff packed up. I just need to take the table cloth off the table and wash it and take the lights down.
I have also after watching Oprah, Friday's episode, I am going to try to go greener. I ordered Shaklee products, the kit that they are giving you a 33% discount thru Oprah's site. It is all organic products w/ no harmful stuff in them. The couple who are the owners got into it because their son developed Asthma. And they got rid of all the cleaning products in their house and switched. Their son has never had asthma again. They last along time. They are very concentrated. I did decide though when it arrives I am gathering up all my products, letting JJ have them for his place. He has no cleaning products hardly so this will help him out. I will let you know how I like them.
So anyway I am doing much better. I feel at peace after this time today. I really needed it big time. So ready to move on.