What a week

I look back at my last blog and laugh because yesterday made me feel like I worked a whole week in one day. It was so busy at work, lots of surgeries coming out all around the same time and its a balancing act at the same time. The way the day went and how people woke up and things that happened, we were joking later, what was the deal, Were the planets aligned in a certain way and the moon in another or what. People woke up crazy. I walked in and took over on 2 people from my charge nurse. The one patient was just acting wierd. She didnt feel good and felt anxious. Understandable she was waking up from general anesthesia. By the time I got there she got a breathing treatment and the anesthesiologist came back over and we ordered a chest xray and it was clear, lungs were clear. Gave her some medicine to relax her. She went back to sleep and was doing great. Vital signs stable, etc, etc, etc. She was awake, moving, taking in ice chips. She moved over to her own bed when she got to the floor and with in an hour her nurse calls me and tells me she cant move. Then she is not breathing well. She is paralysed. They are putting a tube in her and taking her to icu. I have never in all my years as a nurse had this happen. Well I was so worried because I am thinking what did I miss. Did she throw a blood clot that became dislodged or what. Was there anything I could have done differently. I worried all day. Finally the anesthesiologist came and found me and told me all her tests came back negative and that the sedation was turned off and she was moving. No explanation for what happened. When he told me she was doing better I felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulder. At the same time I worried about her just the same and wonder how she is doing today. Then my last patient of the day starts having tightness below her heart and I am really thinking what the fuck. I can not believe my day is ending this way. It ended up being her stomach thank god. They sent me home a little early and I went for a walk with elly. I was exhausted. My period started, sorry hunterer if you are reading this, and so from everything that happended I was just exhausted. I decided after my walk I wasnt cooking. I went the place by my house and had a couple Alaskan ambers, my favorite, and a barbeque sandwich. The sandwich wasnt that great, dry and kind of burnt but still the same took care of what I needed and I went home and just layed on the couch. I was in bed crashed by 8:30. Woke up at 2, 4, 5, and 6am. Took an ambien so I could get some deep sleep. Had wierd dreams. Crazy Crazy.
So I am trying to get my self going. Deciding on what to get done today. Bunco is tonight. My friends daughter is coming over later to work on the yard for me. Thank god, my allergies are kicking my ass. The weeds will be gone. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to get boxes and stuff to the storage unit. Get it out of the house so I can see where I am at with things. I did find a comforter and curtains for the guess bedroom so I dont have to worry about that. Woohoo on that.
I also need to take care of bills since I get paid tomorrow.
Back to work tomorrow thru Tuesday. Working this weekend, good money!

Its only Tuesday

Today is only Tuesday. The day went by very quickly, it was defiately busy. I was very tired when I walked out of work today. I did take several boxes to Savers to donate and get out of my house. Threw away stuff. I did it, I went thru the entire closet in the hall. It was hard. Came across some stuff from the ex that brought tears to my eyes, I am blaming it on pms'ing. Still the same I cried a few tears and threw it away. Its good to have that done.
Tomorrow I am taking a few boxes to the storage unit. By Thursday I am taking what ever I can to the storage unit so I can see where I am at with things. Then go from there. Feels good to be moving on.
My friends daughter came over and started mowing my property and told her that if she got the back yard done and did a couple of things I will pay her when I get paid on Friday. She agreed. It defiately frees up my time.
I get to sleep in, dont have to be at work til 9am. Woohoo. Happy for that. So there is time to get a few things done in the am.
Bunco is Thursday nite. The theme is Famous Dead People. I think I am looking at Farah Fawcett due to the fact I could make my hair looks like hers from the 70's. So there you go. Should be fun. Some people have really put time into this. Not me, dont have time to put into but still have a great time just the same!
Hope everyone is well.

The week

This was a quick week. Okay I didnt hardly get anything done! On Tuesday JJ called me and told me he was staying in Showlow for the night and wanted to know if I wanted to join him. So I did. It was nice. Our time together was short. Ended up at the Native New Yorker, played trivia, ate, and had a couple of beers. Went back to the hotel and was asleep by 8pm. He had to get up at 2 for work. So I got to just stay at the hotel and sleep in somewhat. The bed was so comfortable, the sheets were comfortable and the air conditioning was awesome. I know that last line sounded funny but not having it you appreciate it when you do. I didnt want to get up.
I was so tired Wed and Thursday that I just wanted to lax out when I got home. I know not good but its the way it is.
JJ did come up this weekend. He got up here early on Friday. Which was awesome. Didnt know if his job would interfere or not. We drove out to the site and planted a can of Hummingbird Wild Flowers seeds around the cross. Didnt water them, will let nature take its course so hopefully by this time next year there will be a bunch of wild flowers! I did water my litte rose bush that came back. Its small and no roses as of yet, maybe next year. Who knows. One of Jr's friends had gone out there the day before and put one of jr's favorite's hat on the cross. And the basketball is still there. I am really surprized by how nothing is getting messed with. It was quiet and beautiful out there.
We left and went to our favorite place Buffalo Wild Wings. A couple of JJ's friends joined us and we had a fun time. From there went to the bar by my house and enjoyed just hanging out for a little bit. Got home and just kept drinking beer and dancing in the kitchen. Great intimate time after and finally tried to sleep. I felt like crap when I got up for work. Got some food in me and coffee and felt better. Just tired. Worked about 4 1/2 hours. Dido came in and relieved me. We traded call hours. So next weekend I am working 10 to 6 for her on Sat and Sun. Extra cash and on the same check. 16 hours of time and a 1/2. Good money.
I brought some lunch home from work and we just layed on the couch and had a weeds marithon. Got caugh up from last season and this season. That is a funny show. Some of the one liners are so funny. Inappropriate as hell but funny just the same.
We both crashed hard by 9pm. We did watch Penn and Tellers Bullshit show on HBO. They take subjects and show if they are bullshit or not. The one they talked about was lie detectors and how they are bullshit. And how you can mess with them. I felt bad for this one guy who is engaged and his girlfriend wants him to take a lie detector before she will marry him about his bachelor party in vegas. It was such a crock what this guy did. The guy passes but then at the end when the guy is closing up things he asks him questions and made it sound like he did do something when he didnt. The girl was destroyed and she gave him his ring back. It also showed how some people who were murderers passed and how some people who were telling the truth lost their jobs and destroyed their lives. Crazy!!!
Woke up this am and my honey took off. Hoping that a trip to the eastern part of AZ will cause him to stay in Showlow and we can have another rendevous.
Today since he has gone I have started taking stuff out of this hall closet. I am going to get that closet cleaned out and maybe a couple things in the office.
Weather has been stormy already. Cloudy, thundering at times, and raining for alittle bit. It looks like its starting again! Keeping fingers crossed!
Hope all had a nice weekend.

The day off!

I am off work today. I woke up at 5:30, up course, and called JJ to see if he made it to the eastern part of Az this morning. Its about 5.5 hours from Phoenix. He got there just fine. I always worry about him driving at night, between people who are tired on the road and animals. Like I have said before I hate driving at night. I have seen some terrible stuff here at this hospital due to wierd stuff, and so tragic because its family on vacations and such.
I have gotten to enjoy my coffee. Clouds are building. We got so much rain yesterday but it doesnt look like it rained here at all. I was so bummed when I got home and it was dry. It was freezing out. Crazy to go from 100 degrees one day and freezing the next.
Had a nice day yesterday. Didnt do mojitos. It was just Dido and I so we went to uptown billiards, had a couple of beers and a couple aqua's. If you have never done that, its like an energy liqor. Need lime juice and the lime after. The taste isnt the greatest but it will make your nipples hard and you will have some energy after with a great buzz! :-)
Went on to the hair dressers and she did a fabulous job on my hair. It looks great. It looks healthy. Its still layered and getting long. Love it.
I am trying to work on going back to tx to see everyone in August with JJ. It will be the weekend of the 20th. I wont surprize my parents this time since he is coming with me. I want them to be prepared. I havent told them yet. I am waiting til I have my tickets and know exactly what day we are flying in and leaving. We are also going to rent a car. So biker you will finally get to meet JJ if you guys are around that weekend. I really want you to meet him. Valery is in town also because her son is getting married. So that is 2 out of my 3 friends from Lubbock. The only other one is Sheila. This will be huge and I am alittle nervous about it. I know it will be fine.
Today I am hoping to finish my room. That is my goal. And clean out my tub.
JJ is suppose to come up here to stay with me for the weekend. I am hoping his job doesnt interfer. That is what will mess it up and not certain people thank god.
Well off to eat some breakfast and get moving. Times a wasting as they say!

Monday

Slept in til 5:10am. I hate this natural time to wake up but at lease I didnt feel to tired to start the day. I am glad I had this weekend with some downtime now my batteries are recharged. I am about to head to work, go to mojito monday at 4pm and then off to get my hair done. I say this will be a full day!
Off again tomorrow which is good, back to work on my room!
I hope all have a wonderful Monday!

Sunday Sunday

I cant believe its Sunday. I woke up early which sucked because I wanted to sleep in past 5:30am. I did get up have my coffee with the weekend creamer and watched sling vote with Kevin Costner. I just love him. He is just way to cute. No matter how old he is he is just way to cute. I did hate the ending because you dont know who he votes for after everything that happened. But I guess that is the way it should be, nobody knows who you vote for unless you tell them.
I have started cleaning up my kitchen. The kitchen is something you have to clean all the time. No getting away from it. Ever!!!! JJ got me to watch this golf game that was on. Its a world cup in Scotland. It is absolutely beautiful there. It was right off the ocean. Just gorgeous. It would be cool to go there one day. Hunterer I dont understand why you dont live in your native country. Is it hard to make a living there? Curious to know.
I downloaded the pics on my computer and sent them to JJ so he could forward them to who he wanted to but he doesnt want them to be posted because of the fact that he is very hurt by his brothers right now. And we dont want jr's mom to get them. After what her and her son has been saying about me. So screw her. I know that is probably a bad way to be but I am so angry at this woman for so many reasons. Enough of that.
I am posting them here because who ever reads my post is not close to me or my family except bikercandy. Thats find if you see them. So here they are.



The right spot!



Us and the cross!

The clouds are building so hopefully we will get some rain out of it. The winds got to be so strong, my trees were blowing sideways. Worried they would snap, especially the one in the back yard. It got up to 100 degrees yesterday, Frickin hot. It is really hard without air conditioning. It defiately makes it hard to fall asleep at night.
Well today I am going back to working on clothes. 2 more loads to do and put away or what ever. I am also going to clear more stuff out of my closet on the shelves. So that is the plan for today. That will take several hours. Then I can move on to something else like do alittle more in my bathroom. Need to take the glass door off the shower and put a curtain. Add more color and it will look cleaner. Need help with that.
I am also cooking a steak and vegies on the grill later. Yummy! Hope everyone is doing good!

change of plans

JJ and the girls came up to move the cross and that went well. One of Jr's friends were there with her parents. She was the last one who saw Jr alive. It was quiet and nice. But I didnt go back down to Phoenix with them. I stayed here.
He just wanted time to himself this weekend, between work and everything else he just wanted time alone so I just stayed home. So today I am being a bum. I am not doing anything except cook on the grill and watching tv and enjoying a beer. I need a down day so this is it.
It was storming earlier but now its cloudy and sunny. Yesterday got up to 99. That is crazy. This is June weather not July almost August weather. It is warm out but not hot like Phoenix. Its between 115 to 120 today and this weekend. Forget it!
Tomorrow I am going to get back to work, I did get thru several loads of clothes and cleaned out all the drawers and part of the closet. So I am making progress. 2 more loads to do and then I will be done with that. Still have several things on the shelves to go thru. Finish up the bathroom and then move on to the kitchen.
I do feel tired today! I needed the break myself of not driving anywhere or dealing with anything at all!
So here's to all of you and hoping your enjoying the weekend!

crazy crazy

Today has been an interesting day. I had a good day at work.Got off at noon instead of 2. Met up with girls from work for lunch and a beer. Oregano's, love it. Had a nice lunch. Talk to JJ and he tells me that jr's mom and brother blame me for the cross being in the wrong place and that I was nothing but a bitch to him and his brother, jr, and so on so forth. I was truely hurt. JJ stuck up for me and told jr's brother that no one knew where the spot was. So dont go there. These peopld dont appreciate anything at all that anybody does. They only know how to use people and move on.Oh and blmae us for going to the wedding and thats why jr was killed. It wouldnt have happened. He told him he needs to shut up, he doesnt know what he is talking about and he will regret it later. He told him he is on the same path as his brother was. And jr made decisions that altered his life.
Thank god they are gone. In fact jr's uncle, the mom's brother said they are fucked up. This is her own brother saying this. He told JJ dont contact them, dont have anything to do with them.
Now it is hot and I am waiting for it to cool just alittle so I can get working on the house. I made progress last nite. Felt so good. My pile of clothes on the floor and in the drawers are getting smaller. Woohoo. That is the biggest thing in there is to get thru the clothes. I decided I am not painting the office. Its white and doesnt look bad. Do a little touch up and it will be fine. I really took into account what dido said and she is right. Its time for me to get done and move on. So by the end of the year I will be in Phoenix if all goes according to plan. Keeping my fingers cross!
Tomorrow JJ and the girls will be here to move the cross and then down to hell heat Phoenix. lol. Air conditioning is my best friend and the pool. Take the girls home and enjoy time alone with my honey. Come back up on Monday.
So that is the plan for the weekend!

disappointed

I am disaapointed in JJ's family and disappointed for him. They were coming and now they are not because they dont want to drive 5 hours each way to be with JJ to be there for him on Sat. They didnt even tell him, I was told by his s-i-l and his brother talked to him and didnt bring it up. JJ was very hurt by them. I totally understand. Like I told him his daughters and myself will be there and we will do this ourselves.
Dido and I found the spot. It was on the other side of this open meadow/ field, what ever you want to call it. Not far. It was hard still the same. There was a wooden cross on the tree, and a plague that this girl who was the last one to see him alive, placed last weekend, along with a dozen roses. Made me tear up.
It will be hard going thru this again but I just know it will be okay. Like Dido said, she thinks this is for the better. I do to!
I am making progress on my room. Started cleaning out drawers and going thru stuff to pack, donate, throw away, or put away. Have 2 boxes of clothes going. Woohoo.
Dido said today "you need to move on with your house and be with the ones you love" She is so right. Everyday I can I will come home and work on the house, even if its only an hour or 2 or less. I really am pushing for next month!

Day off!

Today is my day off and I am looking forward to it. I did stay up late, did get some stuff done and have already started on the kitchen alittle. I will tell you I dont mind vacumning but its amazing how nice it is when it is done and it looks clean! I will tell you I hate carpet. Its nasty to me. I am hoping my next place has tile floors especially living in Phoenix. Keep it cooler!
So my thoughts for the day are, work on bedroom. Make some progress so I can move the furniture around. I am also suppose to meet with Jr's friend to see where the cross needs to go and show her and her aunt where it is.
The kool thing is Jr's brother and family are coming out and so are the girls and their mom and family. Plus I am sure more of Jr's friends will be there. That will be good for JJ. Great support. It will be good to see them all also.
The weather is cool out right now. It will get hot this afternoon. I will need to close the windows so it stays cool. No air conditioning, hot. It got over 90 yesterday. Friday its suppose to get up to 95. That is so hot for here.
Well hope all are well!

wrong spot

Found out yesterday we placed the cross in the wrong spot. It should have been down the road a bit. That area looks so much alike it was hard to tell. So on Sat we are moving it. I am meeting with one of Jr's friends and go to the right spot and then show them where we did put the cross.
Crazy. But it needs to be in the right spot.
And to top off everything, Jr's mom leaves for Cali, thank the lord, but she hasnt paid her rent and so when JJ went to the office to see if he would get his deposit back he found that not only was he not getting money back but he would have to owe because he helped her out. All I can say is F_ _ _ _ _ bitch. I am so angry with her. It just figures. Oh well good ridance to trash. And that is what she is.
So now I am home and making dinner and then going to work on my house. Start to make progress!!!!! I got the belt replaced on my vacumn so I can vacumn 1st off. My house is a mess right now. My concentration is my room tomorrow and the rest of the week.
I know I will feel much better when I get some stuff done. Go thru this pile of clothes to decide what to keep, pack, or get rid of. Move on from there.
Thats it for now.

Jr 12/05/91 - 07/10/08

Friday was the memorial and it was beautiful. Several of Jr's friends were there along with all of us and a friend of JJ's. It was so amazing to be there and look around and see how peaceful this place is, and then to think of what an aweful thing that happened there.
At lease now there is a permanent marker for Jr. It came out in the paper today. As I drove back in to Flag I just started tearing up and being reminded of everything. Being in Phoenix I am not thinking about it as much, nothing to remind me. And in some ways that is a good thing. I got the paper and looked at the picture of a man and kids putting a cross in the ground for his son and brother to the kids. It made such a huge statement and it made me cry.
I get back today and it is now storming. Cooling things off. I feel very tired today. I work tomorrow and off on Tuesday which is good, need to get to work on the house. Time to get back to business.
One great thing that happened today is that Jr's mom is gone. She headed back to California. Good ridance. I am so relieve and happy that she is gone. She at lease said thank you to me for what I did but at the same time I thought your welcome but I surely didnt do it for you. It was for Jr. I wanted it be perfect and it was.
Well time to get ready for the week!

1 Year anniversary

I cant believe its been a year that Jr was taken. Crazy. I think back on jr's life and I hope he is at peace. I think back to him living with me and how there were so many times I wanted to kick his ass and the shit he pulled but at the same time I think back to how smart, inteligent, funny he was. He was becoming a man. He was so cute. Great eyes. I wish things would have turned out different but he was going in a direction that maybe later in life he would have turned his life around. For this he did not deserve to be murdered.
Today we will drive down the road that he was taken by three guys who premeditated his murder. My heart aches so bad right now. I havent driven down that road since I took JJ last year.
JJ is already picking up the girls and heading up here and of course with jr's mom and her kids. I will be meeting up with them at 10am at the resturant to pick up the food to take over to the welding place. I need to put the flowers in the vase and have the card ready to be signed by all of us.
I still need to pack a small bag to take to phoenix tonight. JJ chewed out jr's mom yesterday over not being able to stay here with me. Oh well, as soon as we are done at the site we will drive back down to phoenix and then JJ, the girls and I will go out to dinner and spend some time together. This will be the last time that things hinge on this woman.
Time to take a shower and get ready for the day!

evening time

I am becoming angry. The plan was for JJ and the girls to stay with me tomorrow nite but of course who is fucking that up but jr's mom. It never fails. She unfortuately needs a ride up here and JJ is giving her ride, told her to find a place, and of course that is falling thru. After this weekend it wont matter, she is heading back to California on Sunday. If she screws this up I will be very angry, I will get over it but I will be very angry. He told her the girls want to spend time with me tomorrow nite. I already know it, I will have to drive to Phoenix because I dont want to be alone I want to be with JJ and the girls. And head back up on Sat. am. I want to work on my house. So if that is how it goes, then so be it. Oh well, in the scheme of things I guess it doesnt matter.
Things that needed to be done:
1) The cross is in the back of my car.
2) The flowers for the site and the Welding place is bought
3) The thank you card is bought
4) Water to mix with the concrete is bought
5) Need to grab the shovel and put it in the back of my car along with a towel so the cross doesnt get dinked!
6) I guess now I will pack a small bag to take to Phoenix because I dont see them staying with me. I will just go to them.
7) Wake up and realize it is a year ago today that jr was murdered! It still seems so unreal!
Oh well this too shall pass.

Tupperware party

Went to what my friends from work are calling a tupperware party, thats plastic w/ batteries. lol. The girl who did the party was so fun. And we all had a great time laughing and cracking jokes. I needed that reprie from what is happening. Lots of fun stuff to enjoy with or with out a partner. Got something to enjoy with my honey.
Too fun.
I slept like crap last nite. Kept waking up every hour or so. This is my Friday. Thank God. Putting my name on the home early list today. I got stuff to do.
JJ and the girls are staying with me Friday nite. I told him I didnt want to be alone Friday nite so if I had to I would drive down for the nite and come back up on Sat. So he is staying. Told jr's mom to get a place to stay or what ever but he was spending the nite. Will have to write more later on that whole situation.
So I defiately have stuff to do today to get ready. I need to go buy some sheets for the twin bed so there will be a place for one of the girls to sleep. The other girl can sleep on the couch.
The paper is coming to take pictures of JJ putting the cross in the ground and do a story to put in the paper about jr. I hope he does it in good taste and in memory of Jr. It will be a such a hard day. I could start crying now but wont.
So I will end for now and get dressed for work!

thoughts

I am sitting here waiting on a patient to come out who might have the swine flu, aka, H1n1. This is a huge undertaking. Special masks, negative pressure to the isolation room, etc.
Had a great weekend with my honey. Very relaxing but so damn hot in Phoenix.
For those of you who dont know about my boyfriend JJ's son, Jr. He was murdered by 3 guys last year on the 10th. Very terrible. I cant believe it will be a year on Friday. I picked up the cross for jr yesterday. Its absolutely beautiful. The people who made it did not charge. I was speechless. I just started crying. This cross is about $400.00 and they made it for free. JJ and I decided to buy lunch, flowers, and a nice thank you card for the welding place on Friday. The resturant will have lunch ready by 10am and we will go pick it up and take it to them so JJ can thank them in person. We will go out to the site which will be so hard because I havent been out there since last year. We will put the cross in the ground and are telling everyone to be there around 2pm if they want to come. The paper wants to come out and take pictures and I guess put it in the paper this weekend.
This is defiately a hard week for us. Well off to taking care of patients!