F- - - - - Mega Code!

I got to class and was relaxed and didnt worry about the class again til this afternoon when we went to different classrooms which they call stations. The big one is a Mega Code. Things have changed so drastically. More CPR which I can live w/ but the megacode was so frickin confusing, no flow what so ever. I am not worried at all about the written test but we have to each take turns being in charge of the code and mind you we can discuss it together. It just became stressful at the end of the day. Thought we were getting out at 4 so I thought cool I would go work out and relieve stress but instead it was 4:30 and I just didnt want to sit around waiting for the 5:30 class. Between all that time and the drive time it would take 2 1/2 hours. So I came home and luckily put chicken in the crock pot and so I could eat dinner, have a class of wine and study. I just have to have faith that all goes well. I really hope I get out of there early tomorrow, lunch time like originally thought so I can make my massage.
I was talking to Ellen about this and this other w/ JJ. She said the same thing as Biker, he is having a hard time w/ the grieving still. I guess so. I have not been thru this so I cant say what I would do, Everyone deals w/ it at their own pace. I hope though by the time we become one again living together he will have dealt w/ it more. I know he puts me 1st in so many ways but this is still hanging around. I guess I need to ask him where he is w/ this so we can be on the same place.

update since I started this post, JJ called me and we were talking and he says I know you very well and I said why do you say that and he said I could tell that you got upset when I told you I wanted to download the cd thats why he asked me if I was mad. I told him I would never get mad over that but I was able to talk to him about how I felt and he told me how he felt. We had a great talk about it and he made me feel very at peace w/ it and understand where he is coming from. I also told him that when we move back in together I could handle him putting one pic of her up but not all of them to remind me. He said he wouldnt do that and for now this is what he needs to do but that when he makes that committment to me that he wouldnt do that to me. He doesnt want me to feel like he hasnt moved on w/ me and that I dont matter. Because I do but this is what he needs to do. This is why I just love being w/ him because we can talk things out and not get mad about it. I can tell him how I feel about things. And at lease when we do make that step to move back in together he will be ready to move on but never forget. I dont want him to forget. He understood why I dreamt about Terry also. He said its something about things being final. I said yup I guess so. I dont want this thing w/ Terry to affect me but it does. And its not because I want him or anything like that, its just a weird feeling that I cant explain. I just need to stay busy this weekend and not think about it or try not to think about it. I will now sleep better tonight after we talked. I will be more relax for tomorrow so I will get thru this tomorrow. I just hope I can get my massage tomorrow because it will help so much.
Well I will let you all know how I do. Thanks for listening to me go on about this. One more step towards moving on. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!