Face the music

Well today is face the music. Go back to work. I have already been crying over everything. I have to get it together. I am so sad over so much right now. I am so glad I am going to counseling tonight. I need this. JJ cant be there for me right now even though each time we talk he asks how I am doing. Life absolutely just sucks right now.
Today is the viewing of the body. Luckily nothing was done w/ the face during the shooting. JJ called me yesterday to let me know so if I wanted to go I could, but he also told me that I probably wont be able to go back to work. I called my boss and she said thats fine I could leave. I am so glad I am going to have so much support because I will need it. I did tell Dido about the other and she was pissed but she told me the same she would support me in what ever decision I make. I have a million thoughts going thru my head at one time.
I found out that JJ's brother from Cal is here. I am glad. He needs him. I am going to have to really take care of myself. My stomach is in knots right now and I tried to eat last nite and the food taste like cardboard.
They showed all the boys pics last nite on tv. I guess their pics are in the paper. I want to see what these boys look like. Its so wierd to think that boys did this.
I guess after the viewing JJ and jr's mom has to go back to sit down w/ the detective's again. Aparently the mom knows alot about what jr was doing and didnt tell anyone. jr was into bad bad bad stuff. Beyond my imagination. Just blows my mind.
The high school kids where jr went to last wants to have a memorial service for him at the high school. That will be so hard. JJ didnt know if after that I would want to still go to Cal. I said yes I still want to go. I really want to be there w/ him and be there for him. He needs all the support he can get right now. This is absolutely such a tragedy far beyond any I could ever imagine. It just breaks my heart. I will be glad when this week is over and we are back to kinda of move on.
I defiately do need to.
I truely am glad about counseling. I have 6 visits and I am going to use all 6. I need to work out alot right now. And who knows maybe I will cont to go for alittle while because of what other things will come up.
Well off to face the music. Work will be good for me right now. Normalcy right!