The paper

This weekend was a great weekend, lots of fun w/ the girls, nice alone time w/ each other. We went out to eat, shopped, stayed at the ramada on the girls side of town, which is where the cardnals stadium, swam, etc, etc.
JJ replaced my ipod. He was so thankful for what I did to help him get home, that he wanted to do that for me. So he did. He paid for everything this weekend. I only paid for some gas. So all in all it was a wonderful weekend. We were actually laughing w/ the girls, and goofing off w/ them. We got back, he went to get some beer for the store and boom in his face, front page news about the details about jr's murder. What they did to him, how they did it. It just broke my heart. I am so sad again. This truely is going to be such a hard road for us.
He read the paper after we got back to his place. He took a minute and then said I need to start cleaning. So that was my cue to leave so he could be alone. He called me later and told me he came across a letter from jr when he was in jail. I asked him if it said he loved you and he said yes. I said then you will have that for the rest of your life and you will always know that. Its just so heartbreaking.
I feel numb. Just in a wierd place. I woke up yesterday in such a sad mood. I was excited also to go w/ jj to see the girls and us having time together. But I was teary eyed at the same. I was pms'ing and so everything of course is intensified. JJ kept asking whats wrong, I could say I am very sad and what I just said. Its everything. Like I said this morning was good. We were back to our joking around and laughing. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.